Just a Mommy Blog

Last week I ran into a Facebook friend whom I've never met IRL. That's "in real life" for those of you who don't know the lingo, and something I didn't know until about five minutes ago, so don't feel bad. I only have a few of these people as friends, because I find that most times the people who friend strangers are using FB as a marketing tool for their business, cause, etc. I don't have a problem with this kind of use but I just am not interested for the most part. There are a few notable exceptions, and this person is one of them.

This nice FB person was also having lunch with a friend and during the course of our brief conversation, the FB friend made mention of my blog, prompting his friend to ask what it was about. Firstly, I was completely not expecting the question from a man, which apparently is a misconception I should work on. Secondly, I'm ashamed of my answer. "Uh, uh, it's my family blog. Just a mommy blog, really."

Just a mommy blog?! WTH Rebeccah?! Seriously.

I surprised myself with this one. I'm proud of this blog. Well, at least I thought I was. But when speaking to two much younger men about it, I felt stupid. And old. I also write a sports blog and will talk about it and it's contents to anyone who will listen. Why then, was I embarrassed about my mommy blog?

The worse part is that even after I answered the question so badly, I went even further. "It's not cheesy", I elaborated. "I'm actually kind of mean sometimes." Why why why did I feel the need to distance myself even further? No, the sappy-sweet blogs are not my ilk, but they are someone's, and that is fine - to each their own and all that biz. Anyone who blogs at all has my respect, because putting your stuff out there for anyone to see is kind of well, scary.

The point is that I was self-concious. I do write a family/mommy blog and am proud of that. I consider myself in the same genre (though not calibre - yet ;-) as people like Scary Mommy, The Bloggess, Suburban Turmoil and lots of other moms keeping it real, because I think we could all stand a little more real living and a whole lot less pressure to be perfect. I'm imperfect, my family is imperfect and sometimes putting a humorous or acerbic twist on a painful situation makes it sting a little less.

So, here is my new answer, "Hi, I'm Rebeccah. I write this awesome blog called Connelly Confusion. It's mostly about my family, with a little humor and the occasional snarky observation about something on the news. Occasionally it's very personal. Feel free to stop by - I love visitors!"

How about you guys? Do you ever feel self-concious when someone asks about your blog? Have you ever pooh-poohed it, like I did? Share your deep dark secrets with meeeeee!


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Gonna Make My Green Eyes Blue

I think the holidays typically influence people towards a little introspection and I am no different in this respect. For example, today while at the library, I saw a young mother with an adorable toddler leaving story/craft hour and instead of the "awww" reaction you might anticipate, I was jealous. This response both surprised and disappointed me, but after I told myself to knock it off, I began thinking about the why.

The conclusion I came to is that I have a small problem with envy. Not coveting, but plain old jealousy. The whole time I was pregnant with both children, all I wanted was to be able to stay home with my kids. Note that I said "to be able". I'm not sure that this would have been the best thing for any of us, but I wanted to have the option. I'm jealous to this day of those who do.

When we bought our house, we could not afford to live exactly where we wanted. This in and of itself is no unique first time homeowner experience but what made me mad was that everyone I knew was able to do this, regardless of what kind of means I knew they may or may not have had. Some had assistance from their families, some had inside scoops on various deals and some just used creative accounting, but the point is that I was upset about feeling like we were the only ones who had to just take what we could get, so to speak.

In hindsight, this was completely ridiculous, and at this (hopefully wiser) point in my life I would absolutely love to have my adorable little brick house with it's amazing yard back, but that is water under the bridge now. The point is that again, I was jealous.

When you think about jealousy within relationships, I think most people would agree that it arises from insecurity. Sometimes the players are insecure by nature and sometimes the relationship itself is insecure and the people in it become jealous from feeling like they are on shaky ground. I have never been the jealous type in love but it would appear that I am insecure myself if I am using this theory as a barometer.

I don't want to take anything away from anyone or begrudge people their lives, because only they know how to live it. I try to push those thoughts out of my head but I've come to the conclusion that doing so does not resolve the greater issue. So what, then?

The counting my blessings thing just doesn't do the trick for me. I'm too practical and pragmatic for that style of thinking (not that there is anything wrong with that). But for me personally, I think the cure is to be nicer to myself. To value and love myself a little more. To appreciate my gifts and work on constructive ways to utilize them. To focus on what is in front of my face rather than what off in the distance. To try to become more secure.

I wrote awhile back about feeling ready to come into my own and I have given a lot of thought to this over the last month or so. As a parent, I do not want to look back children's youth and realize I spent it wishing that it was different. My children need a present and engaged mother and I'm sure my husband would enjoy more of the same from his wife. I don't want to waste my time or emotional energy being irritated about what other people have or are doing. As trite as it sounds, life really is too short to do anything other than live your own.

I plan to continue pursuing further understanding because just working through this stuff mentally has provided a lot of peace for me. Peace which was sorely needed and well-timed, to be honest. I'd be very curious to know - are you jealous or envious? Of what or who? Do you feel that my theory of insecurity is correct? Let's chat about it in the comments, shall we?

PS. I just installed Disqus and can't wait to use it to talk to you guys!
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And I Was All Like, Whoa, I'm Totally Behind

So it has come to my attention that my blog is out of date. I never cease to be amazed out how quickly posting slips away from me. First there was Thanksgiving (which was very nice, thanks for asking) and then there was a trip to the Boondocks, where I got to watch my Gamecocks beat the sh*t out of Clemson in the company of one of my best friends. Who also happens to be the biggest Tiger fan on the planet. That is always a good time. Heh.

And then there was the requisite holiday illness that has thus far affected three of the four Connellys and both the grand-Connellys as well. Now the retail bonanza commonly known as Christmas is fast approaching and I am beginning to feel the usual seasonal panic, which puts a total clench on the marginal flow of creative juices coming from yours truly.

Not only that but honestly y'all, I'm kind of getting tired of virtually talking to myself. Those of you who don't know about blogging might not know this little tidbit: I can sort of see when you've been here. Yes, you.

And while I am certainly not looking for adoration, praise or accolades, it would really be nice if people would interact a little bit. Blogging is personal, and I blog for multiple reasons, not all of which have to do with my readers, but not least of which is because I like interacting with people.

I'm going to say this as plainly as possible and try not to sound like a whining shrew at the same time: please, if you read and have a minute, throw me a bone and leave a comment. Not only does it make my day for someone to reach out to me, it helps me write better when I know what my readers are thinking!

OH, and if you have time, swing by my girl Jenny's blog at http://thebloggess.com. She has some kick ass ways to reach out to those in hard times in some really simple and easy ways! Love her - weird as hell, brilliant and hilarious - my favorite kind of person. :-)

Anyway, check you guys on the flip side...



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