You know how every hero has a fatal flaw? Well, here on this blog, I'm the hero and I have come to the conclusion that my fatal flaw is trying to understand and make sense of human behavior. I really should know better, because I think people sometimes just do stuff with no intent or purpose whatsoever, so trying to make sense of it really is just impossible. My quest for understanding really, really carries over to the things my kids do, because some of that crap just plain defies reason. My first born turned eleven about a month ago, which means that I have over a decade of parenting experience. This by no means makes me an expert, but I do believe I have at least a little of this gig figured out. There are, however, things about parenting that I am convinced will remain forever mysterious.
Things like...replacing the bath tissue when you use the last of it. My son just confessed to that particular domestic violation in the powder room. His reasoning for not replacing it? There wasn't any more under the counter. I pointed out that the backup of the backup lives in the laundry room, which is about six feet from the powder room. He just shrugged.
Here's another head-scratcher. What, exactly is the cause of sibling cooperative play, full of laughter and joy? Magical alignment of stars? Threats of being grounded until they are thirty? Bribes? I have tried an infinite number of arrangements to try and facilitate this magical, wonderful wrinkle in time all to no avail. It happens quite on it's own, and I cannot for the life of me put my finger on the correct ingredients. Any suggestions you may have on this one would be much appreciated because yours truly has totally struck out.
This next one will be my Waterloo. The upstairs of our house, is only for the children. Two bedrooms and a bathroom - that's it. So when I put things that belong to them on the stairs, why do they not realize that it's for them to take up? In all seriousness, this particular issue is going to break me I think. I have gone so far as to arrange their belongings in a wall across the stairs and they still managed to get past without either picking anything up or knocking anything over. Impressive strategy, I grudgingly admitted to myself. However, if someone rode my butt about the same thing, every single solitary day of my life, I may actually break down and do it. Not my children - they remain unfazed. I see a future in the CIA for them both as they apparently have wills of iron.
Lastly, I would like to know what goes through a child's mind when they pick up a full glass of something, set it on the edge of a table, and then do all kinds of intricate maneuvers nearby and around said glass. Why don't they just move the glass, rather than run the risk of knocking it off onto the floor? Mine do this all the time and then get upset when they've poured milk everywhere. Again, I've said a zillion times to just move it, but it's like they are trying to tempt fate or prove that they can do it. I don't even trust myself enough to try this but the little people in my house must be taking it as some kind of dare, I suppose.
So, tell me. Are there things your kids do that just make no sense? Tell me, please, that I'm not alone!