Y'all Gon' Make Me Lose My Mind...(up in here, up in here)

When rapper DMX recorded this song, I seriously doubt he thought that a thirty something Volvo driving white woman would make it her swan song. Before you rush to judgement, here is a summary of the last two weeks, that peaked in the past fourteen hours.

Monday: children dragging their feet getting ready for school, walking around in various states of undress and generally being shiftless.

Tuesday: children dragging their feet getting ready for school, walking around in various states of undress and generally being shiftless.

Wednesday:
children dragging their feet getting ready for school, walking around in various states of undress and generally being shiftless.

Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday: children dragging their feet getting ready for school, walking around in various states of undress and generally being shiftless.

Yesterday evening: unnecessary homework marathon due to loafing. Complete meltdown by one child because "my homework is too hard and my math teacher hates me!" (She doesn't.)

8:30 - everyone is tucked in and lights out.

10:00 - Cecilia comes downstairs to talk about what her damage is. (still undetermined)

10:15 - take her back upstairs, cuddle, snuggle and re-tuck. Go to bed myself, so that the day will be over sooner.

11:10 - wake up because she is standing next to me, now telling me that she is afraid of one of the characters in a book on CD we've been listening to in the car. Tell her to get in bed with us because I can't take it anymore.

12:20 - wake up because husband is sawing logs. Take my sorry self to the couch, get settled. I'm almost asleep when I realize that someone is looking at me. Send Cecilia to go sleep in our bed with husband.

2:30 - wake up again because Will is up using the bathroom, and since he will not go in there without all the lights on, the whole house is illuminated.

5:15 - wake up because Will is up again, no idea what he's doing at this point, because I'm delirious and don't care anymore.

6:10 - wake up, now late, because I'm sleeping on the couch and there is no alarm clock out there and husband is not up on time to get me.

6:30 on - children dragging their feet getting ready for school, walking around in various states of undress and generally being shiftless. Will decided to mix it up this morning and empty the playground sand from his boots onto to the floor. When I almost started crying about this, I realized that they've broken me.

What generally happens when we reach this point (yes, we've been here before) is that I go bat shit crazy on everyone and they get back in line some. My problem is that I'm so tired of having to police them constantly just to keep them on the fringe of decent human behavior, (modified for the immaturity of kids of course), that my tolerance for this is ebbing more and more with every cycle.

In short, I'M GOING CRAZY.

What about you guys? Do you have any suggestions about how to keep a good routine going, without losing your sanity, your mind or your rather disproportionate temper? If you have suggestions that don't include child abuse, let me know. Meanwhile, I'm just going to watch kitten videos all day and try not to gorge myself on junk food. What? It's called self soothing - stop looking at me in that tone of face! See? CRAZY.

"Y'all gon' make me lose my mind

up in HERE, up in here

Y'all gon' make me go all out

up in here, up in here

Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL

up in HERE, up in here..." ~ DMX, "Up in Here"

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A Tale of Two Lovies

So yesterday was our anniversary, and instead of going out, we planned a nice meal/movie date at home scheduled for after the kiddo's bedtime. On the way to the grocery store I had the thought that maybe the kids could stay home alone and we could go out for a quick dinner close by. I called Lawton and asked him what he thought, and basically we agreed that we thought it would be fine if it were just Cecilia, but that Will is probably still too young.

It worked out though, because my mom surprised me with a rugrat sleepover at Grandma's house, which was super nice. She brought them back this morning, all ready for to leave for school. While we were switching their stuff around, she told me that Will had gotten all upset because we had forgotten to send his lovie with him. Lovies are a big deal at our house. No one is allowed to tease about them and they are completely exempt from the normal sharing rules.

Just a week ago, my husband and FIL met between here and Summerville to get Cecilia's back to her after she forgot it. So y'all, when I say big deal, I mean BIG deal - I broke into a church to retrieve a lovie once, no joke. Anyway, apparently Will spent quite a while last night trying to convince my mom to get one us to bring it to him like we did for Celi. Mom tried to console him about it because she really didn't want to bother us on our date night. The meltdown raged on, until (and this makes me tear up), his sister offered him hers. He wrapped it up in his arms and immediately drifted off to sleep.

When my mom was telling me about this, I initially thought she was kidding. Cecilia won't even let me hold her lovie for more than about four seconds. The fact that she shared it with her brother absolutely astounds me. She is a total sweetheart, but like most big sisters, gives her brother a pretty hard time. But last night she put her own (strong) feelings aside to help her brother, and honestly, I don't think I've ever been more proud of her.

I've told my kids over and over that I don't care if they are astrophysicists or dump truck drivers, or anything in between - all I care about is that they are happy, doing their best and are kind to others. They've also gotten the speech about how you will only ever have one brother/sister etc. and to treat each other like they understand this. To see one of them put that into action makes me just about burst with pride. I'm sure they'll be back to trying to make the other rue the day they were born by this afternoon, but for now I'm just going to think about that moment when a lovie was shared. It may seem a small thing, but to us it was huge. So proud.

***Photo from the Komet Creations website, home of the original Lovie.***

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Thank You

I would like to thank Jill Smokler, aka Scary Mommy, for the opportunity to be featured on her way awesome site, http://www.scarymommy.com/ today. Thanks also to everyone arriving from her site to check me out - it's great to have you here and I look forward to "hanging out" with all of you. Hope you all have a wonderful day, free of any poop smeared walls, vomit caught in hands, or screaming toddlers in checkout lines. Keep it scary, y'all.

Much love,
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Not That Kind of SOPA

I wish I had something witty, intelligent or insightful to say about SOPA. I think it is wrong to censor the internet. I also think that piracy and plagiarism is wrong too. Does that cover it? Tell me if I'm missing something.

But it only reminds me of Mexican soup. It's really not my fault though - I have a rotten cold/sinus infection and the Mexican place down the street has the best damn chicken sopa on the freaking planet. It arrives in a bowl and contains the most tender chicken, seasoned to perfection, steaming hot - and it comes with all kinds of tasty things to make it your way. Like cilantro, jalapeno, lime, avocado, sour cream and oh, yes, diced onion. Then you can throw the delicious rice in for good measure. So freaking good.

In conclusion, I'm currently riding a lovely wave of cold medicine, caffeine and ibuprofen, so I feel that it would be irresponsible of teh internets to hold me accountable for being flip about soup. I mean, SOPA.

Updated: apparently there is a PIPA also, which I find even more perplexing because sopapilla is a sweet quickbread which is obviously different than soup. MAKE UP YOUR MIND INTERWEBS! GAH.
The End.


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Newt Gingrich Is Not An Orthopedist

My husband and I have a few opposing political views, which has lead to some rather heated discussions. Over the past few weeks, and especially as the South Carolina primary approaches, these conversations have become more frequent. On top of the frequency of conversation, we have an open floor plan in our house, which leads to basically no privacy during these chats.

Here are some gems that my children have taken away from their eavesdropping on our political chats:

• "Newt Gingrich is not an orthopedist!" - this is a combination of a political discussion that segued into me fussing at my husband for not having his (turned out to be broken) foot looked at. Obviously, Newt Gingrich has nothing to do with my husband's lack of orthopedic care. This particular clause has now evolved into describing anything ridiculous or stupid, thereby rendering it even more nonsensical. 

• "Ron Paul is coming to make them eat cake!" - another combo from our talking about the space between personal responsibility and having a social safety net for the poor, sick, elderly and children. Still, the mental image I get of a combination of Ron Paul and Marie Antoinette makes me laugh. 

• "They are going to have parties at the news meeting?" - yesterday I participated in the Mike Huckabee Forum, South Carolina Undecided, and I was trying to explain my question about bi-partisan cooperation to the kids. No, I was sad to tell them, there was no party at the news meeting.

This was actually pretty cool. I submitted my question via email, and was selected to ask mine on the show. The taping was at the Sottile Theatre at the College of Charleston, and I and about thirty-something other people were sorted into groups for each candidate. My question was to be directed to Newt Gingrich, which was a little tricky for me because I had submitted the question to be at large. Anyway, we all lined up to practice into the mic, get instructions etc., and then we settled in to wait.
 
(As an aside, I'm pretty moderate politically, but am really unsure who I plan to vote for, and that includes the President. I'm not making a political statement here, just trying to share something interesting I did.)  Anyway, the show began and all of a sudden I realized I was scared to damn death. I don't know what I thought would happen when I submitted my question - didn't really think that one through I guess.

I and my seatmate began whispering to each other that we hoped they ran out of time before they got to us, but it turned out not to be the case and ask we did. My question was addressed to Newt Gingrich and if you are interested in seeing how it went, check out this video Huckabee Forum and you'll find me a little past the 38 minute mark. I've been told I didn't look as terrified as I felt, which is a good thing, because between me, you and the fence post, I actually wanted to puke. Also, I think my nerves also increased my accent, because I don't generally sound quite so southern. Interesting twist.

Honestly, the lesson I hope my children take away from this news show deal, and from the conversations between me and my husband is to be informed, involved, and to VOTE. Regardless of the humorous confusion, they need to know how important it is to be involved in our political process, no matter what your views. Oh, I also hope they learn about the dangers of eavesdropping, because I'm pretty sure no one wants Newt Gingrich to be their orthopedist!


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Sneeze Free Potpourri

I sometimes find that when I'm not sure what to write, if I just start typing, the words begin to flow. Sometimes it's total garbage, but often I'm pleased at the direction the keys take me. My blogging definitely ebbs and flows but I think some of that is because I feel this compulsion for every post to be hilarious, moving, informative, touching etc., when most of the time the things I have to write about are just basic issue life things.

Things get interesting (kinda) when I have a bunch of unrelated tidbits I'd like to get out of my head and down on "paper".

Here is an example of what I mean:
I made a video of my cat and uploaded it to you tube. I think it's adorable, while the rest of you probably think I'm weird.Watch here and be the judge http://youtu.be/gC6Uq7Vxt-k

Stay at home moms - please do not ever express pity for a work outside the home mom. It makes us, I mean, me, want to beat your ass.

The Republican primary/election bs makes me want to weep. Don't worry - I don't like the other side either, or the entire political system come to think of it. Hence the crying.

My daughter is trying out a very awesome, but very pricey private school. If accepted, she will need to be on total scholarship. I'm terrified, but as my husband said, it's not about us. 

We went fishing Sunday and spent time at what is probably my favorite place in the whole world, the Toogoodoo Creek. A mother dolphin with a calf swam so close to us I could have touched it, which was awesome.

I'm so broke I can't even afford to pay attention. Tired of that, actually. Both my husband and I looking for new jobs, but that kind of sucks too.

Trying to lose a few pounds. Everyone has their own challenges in this department but let me tell you, when you have never had to watch what you eat, learning at this age is hard.

Two very exciting things coming up - I have an article in the upcoming issue of Smitten Magazine Magazine coming out Thursday and next week I'm going to be a guest poster on Scary Mommy! Very excited about both of those things. I have something else cooking too, but I'm waiting to see if it comes to fruition or not.

So that's about it for now - I'm trying to be on the page in Busy Mom's book that reads, "This is my life. This is my blog. And while I'm mostly fabulous, sometimes I'm just doing regular stuff. And that's totally fine with me."


See you guys soon. :-)


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I Just About Died...Laughing, That Is

I have stopped and started this post about fifteen times, trying to find the right words without creating an uproar. It all began yesterday with a very positive phone call with Will's teacher, during which she was telling me about how awesome Will has done at school this week. After several minutes of reveling in this conversation together, she says that now she needs to tell me something. Cue the dah dah daaaaaah music and subsequent breath-holding.

"Yesterday I was teaching this really boring math lesson", she says, "and really, it was boring. I was bored, the kids were bored, but we had to get through it. Nothing I could do except make it short. I look at Will and notice that he is writing on his slate, so I wander over to his desk to see what he's doing."

(Meanwhile, I'm turning blue from continuing to hold my breath)

"I look at his slate, and he has written on it, 'Please euthanize me.' I asked him if he knew what that meant and he said, 'Yes, it means kill something.' I asked him to please try to express his boredom in other terms, like I'm bored, this is lame, etc., rather than "euthanize me."

Before she could go any further, I started dying laughing because this is JUST. SO. WILL. While a statement like that would have most kids sitting in the guidance office in a jiffy and parents being called, that is totally par for the course with my son. He has his mama's drama combined with a seriously droll sense of humor blended with a great vocabulary.

Humor aside, what is so great about this is that his teacher GETS it. The fact that she accepts all her kids for who they are, and where they are is such a great attribute of hers. It's no secret that public education is rife with challenges, but the "homogenizing" is one of the things that really bothers me. Everyone has equal value of course, but we are all individuals, with unique strengths, weaknesses, quirks, etc., and when kids don't feel like they fit the standard mould, they tend to disengage.

I LOVE that our teacher does everything she can to create opportunities for these kids to be themselves and learn their own way, within the structure she has to abide by. It would be fantastic if our education system could do more of the same. Until that happens, my advice would to advocate for your child regardless of what kind of push back or bureaucracy you may encounter. It sounds easy in theory, but it isn't. No one wanted us to retain Will this year but we as parents felt that it had to happen, so it did. Best decision we ever made, and so very worth it.

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Reverse List of New Years Resolutions

So I totally stole this idea but the content is mine, so I'm charging ahead with a different kind of New Years resolution list. This list is for other people, rather than stuff for myself. I couldn't really come up with anything original for my own list, so it's going to read like this:
                                             1. All the things that everyone says. The end.

Instead, I think a list of all the things I want people to KNOCK THE HELL OFF would be much more entertaining, don't you? Yes? Me too, so here we go.

1. Annoying status updates on Facebook. If you aren't sure if you are being annoying, read it out loud to yourself before you post. If there is a question in your mind if it's obnoxious, it probably is.

2. Braking repeatedly in heavy, slow moving traffic. Please just take your foot off the gas - it works just as well when everyone is going 8 mph. 

3. Use of the "word" irregardless. Regardless of what you may think, irregardless is not a word. Ever.

4. Asking non group related questions during a meeting. The rest of us are not interested in the least and would appreciate it if you would save it for later.

5. Extremism. You don't convince me of anything other than that you are completely nuts. This applies across the board in politics, religion and pretty much everything else.

6. No more skinny jeans. Or at least regulate them with some kind of permitting process.

7. Write in full words instead of text speak. Especially now that the whole world is using smart phones, can it really be that much work to type "would" rather than "wud"? It's two letters, y'all.

8. A ban on overexposed celebrities - I do not ever want to see Charlie Sheen, Kardashian anyone or Lindsay Lohan ever again.

9. Reality TV, all genres. I'm so tired of it I could just die.

10.Read my blog. All of you, every post, and leave comments. Heh heh heh...you didn't think I was going to promote myself a little, did you? Well, I am.

So, there are some things I would like other people to do. What are some "resolutions" you'd make for other people? Share with so I can be sure not to be on the list!



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